The Bible Says
1 Peter 3:1-6 Meaning

1 Peter 3:1-6 deals with biblical marriage, continuing the basic instruction for believers how to find God’s best through voluntary submission to others. Just as Peter exhorted believers to make a choice of their own free will to submit to government and employers as unto the Lord, he now focuses on submission in the home. He addresses both wife and husband (v. 7), but begins with wives:  In the same way wives are to be submissive to their own husbands (v. 1).

In the same way points back to a pattern of submission demonstrated by subjects to rulers (1 Peter 2:13-17) and by slaves to masters (1 Peter 2:18-20). This voluntary submission is in contrast to 1 Peter 3:22, which speaks of Jesus’s current authority in heaven where “angels and authorities and powers had been subjected to Him.” This indicates a compelled submission of heavenly powers to the rule of Jesus.

There will come a time when every knee will be compelled to bow before Jesus (Philippians 2:10). But for now, God has left it up to each person’s choice as to whom they serve. Each person can serve self or God, sin or righteousness (Romans 6:16). Jesus framed this choice as between God and “wealth”-the things of this world (Matthew 6:24). Believers are admonished to serve others as a means of serving God. Here, submitting to others primarily refers to focusing our efforts on serving their best interests.

In each case, by submitting to others, believers are submitting to God. By choosing to engage in the mutual submission of wives and husbands, by seeking to prioritize the needs of the other, that is also submitting to God in the same way as submitting to earthly authorities.

According to that same pattern, wives are to be submissive to their own husbands (v. 1). We will see in 1 Peter 3:8 that “to sum up” his teaching to wives and husbands, Peter says “all of you be harmonious” and “giving a blessing” so that “you might inherit a blessing.” The goal of these instructions is for the marriage to be high-functioning, with great mutual benefit, which is pleasing to the Lord. Living to please the Lord gives blessing and brings blessing.

The beginning instruction that ends with the intended harmony is wives are to be submissive to their own husbands according to God’s created order. As we will see, women are instructed how to be helpful to their husbands according to their design. Corresponding to that, men are instructed to include their wives as teammates, and a “fellow heir of the grace of life” (v. 7).

In verses 1-7, Peter shows exactly how husbands and wives can have harmony. He explains,

1. How women can understand men, and minister to them, AND
2. How men can understand women, and minister to them.
3. In other words, “How we can serve one another.”

Concerning wives, Peter writes:

In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior (vs. 1-2).

In the same way, just as with the king, employers, etc., Jesus is still our example of how to live. In the same way, “Wives, do good when your husbands are making life difficult and seek their best interest, as unto the Lord. Make your husbands a priority over other possibilities.”

These principles can only be lived out by choice. There is nothing anywhere in 1 Peter that says “God will make you” or “You should make your spouse do this.” It is the individual’s responsibility to choose. This passage is not to be used as an opportunity for making demands of one’s spouse.

It is noteworthy that the instructions are first given to women. This is possibly because women have the highest leverage in relationships. Men greatly fear and avoid female rejection. That means women have a powerful influence on men, a power they can use for great good. Peter instructs wives how to exercise this great power. Peter begins with a circumstance where the husband is disobedient to the word of God. Since men tend to be hard-headed, this is probably a typical situation.

We see an inference of males avoiding female rejection with the very first marital relationship: Adam and Eve. Adam was apparently standing right there with Eve, watching the entire dialogue with the serpent play out. He did not step in to protect Eve, and he knowingly disobeyed God because she asked him to:

“and she gave also to her husband with her, and he ate.”
(Genesis 3:6)

The Apostle Paul states that only Eve was actually taken in by the serpent’s lies, and Adam was not. His motivation in eating was apparently to gain approval from his wife:

“And it was not Adam who was deceived, but the woman being deceived, fell into transgression.”
(1 Timothy 2:14)

The serpent did not tempt Adam. He went through Eve, who gave the fruit to Adam. Adam never said to Eve, “Don’t do it,” perhaps because he did not want to risk rejection. This indicates that God made women to have immense relational leverage with men.

This means that wives have a substantial potential to do good for their husbands. Peter gives wives specific instructions on how to use their leverage for good-to be amazing servant leaders, like Jesus, that make an enormous impact on their husbands.

It is again important to note that Peter does not say “Men, make your wives submissive and respectful.” Rather, Peter is addressing the wives, encouraging their choice. Peter says “Women, God wants you to make a better choice.” Each person has been given stewardship of their own choices. We can do it or not. It is up to us, but our choices have consequences. Scripture tells us how to seek what is best and what choices will achieve the best consequences. Much of 1 Peter will advance a principle that suffering rejection for doing good will actually create the best possible consequence for us in the long run.

Why should wives make this choice to submit to their husbands? For one, it will make their life better because they are doing good. They will be blessed. Another reason is because of the likelihood (but not certainty) that it will make their husband (who is disobedient to the word) improve (be won). The good example of the wife who is imitating the good example of Christ will be a strong influence on their rebelling husband, as they observe the chaste and respectful behavior of their wives.

We all decide to whom we subject ourselves-who we follow or obey and to whom we submit. For example, we all choose whether to be subject to God or money (Matthew 6:24-26). We were told in the prior verses to be subject to the ruling authorities because they are appointed by God-it is our choice, and Peter gives us the best choice (1 Peter 2:13-14). We were told to be subject to our employers (which could include customers or investors) and serve them as though we are serving the Lord-again it is our choice and Peter tells us the best choice (1 Peter 2:18).

Jesus gives us the pattern. He Himself is subject to an Authority:

“When all things are subjected to Him, then the Son Himself also will be subjected to the One who subjected all things to Him, so that God may be all in all”
(1 Corinthians 15:28).

Jesus is subject to the Father. When we bless others we are also blessed; as Ephesians 5 says, when a husband loves his wife sacrificially, he loves himself (Ephesians 5:28-30). We can see the great result and benefit of Christ’s sacrificial love: the Father made all things subject to His Son as a reward for His faithful obedience (Philippians 2:8-10).

So it is with women and men-in putting our spouse’s interest above our own natural desires for them to serve us, we gain the greatest benefit. We choose based on what we believe and Peter exhorts us to believe that we are best served by serving. As with all scripture, a perspective that my best interest is served by loving others is a renewed way to think (Romans 12:2).

How do wives practically put their husbands’ needs above their own natural desires, and therefore gain what is best for themselves? By being a great example to their husband, winning them without a word by the behavior of their wives. And by using words of respect rather than correction-as [the husbands] observe your chaste and respectful behavior.

God made men and women. He created male and female in His image (Genesis 1:27). We are physiologically different. For example, men have different hormones from women. And, importantly, men have severed brains. When male infants are in the womb, at a certain point their brains get a testosterone bath that severs the connection between the two brain lobes. This increases focus while decreasing capacity to absorb information.

The differences compliment, and the inference is that men need their wives’ help to follow the word of God. Because Peter was married (Matthew 8:14), he had personal insights into the impact of a wife’s submission to her husband. Therefore, with the command to submit, he also gives a reason why submission is so important: so that if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives.

We see Peter pointing to men who are living sinfully: if any of them [husbands] are disobedient to the word. This disobedience is inevitable in all believers, as we still battle our sinful nature (1 John 1:8). This can be especially true for men, who prefer to obey themselves rather than anyone else, including God’s word.

Men are not only gifted at self-rationalization, they are also prone to seeking control. Which means men are stubborn. Stubborn self-rationalizers don’t tend to “obey the word.” They tend to think they know better.

And so, for wives, God’s advice of what to do in order to seek their own best interest is to seek their husbands’ best interest. Peter’s instruction to wives is to not use corrective words (a disobedient husband may be won without a word by the behavior of his wife). Corrective words to a male feel like rejection-they will flee from such words. We might view the application of these verses thusly:

1. Do use contrast-example (behavior, or in other translations, “conduct”). When wives live as a godly, Christ-like example, it is generally (not always) irresistible to men, and they will follow your example.
2. Make your primary example your amazing character
3. Do use words of respect, words of honor. This is like honey for a bee to a male.
4. Do be courageous. It takes faith (that God will see) and courage to do this.

Peter describes the Christian wife’s conduct from her husband’s perspective as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior (v. 2). The word “conduct” in verse 1 and “behavior” in verse 2 come from the same Greek word “anastrope” meaning “conduct expressed according to certain principles.”

There are two principles of behavior described in verse 2. The first aspect of behavior is chaste, meaning pure and holy behavior (Titus 2:5, 2 Corinthians 11:2). The second aspect of the Christian wife’s observable behavior is portrayed as respectful. The Greek word translated respectful is “phobos” which is often translated “fear.” It means “to have a focus on and orient choices based on expected consequences” from the place of focus.

“Phobos” is also used in 1 Peter 3:14, which says “But even if you should suffer for the sake of righteousness, you are blessed. And do not fear [“phobos”] their intimidation, and do not be troubled.” In this case, believers are told not to “fear their intimidation,” referring to those who persecute them for living in a manner that is obedient to Christ. The point is “In this instance, do not orient your choices in order to avoid their intimidation tactics, instead focus on imitating Christ.”

Believers are consistently instructed to fear God; the fear of God is the starting place for both wisdom and knowledge (Proverbs 1:7, 9:10). While 1 Peter 3:14 says not to “phobos” (“fear”) those who try to intimidate, 1 Peter 3:15 adds that we should give a defense for the hope within us in a manner that is “phobos” (with reverence). In each case of “phobos,” the attention of focus is outward and looks beyond the immediate circumstance to the eternal impact. This is in keeping with the use of “phobos” in 1 Peter 1:17, which speaks to all believers, male and female:

“If you address as Father the One who impartially judges according to each one’s work, conduct yourselves in fear [“phobos”] during the time of your stay on earth.”
(1 Peter 1:17)

This tells believers that our primary concern should be pleasing Christ, and all other concerns should be subordinate. In the case of the wife submitting to her husband in “phobos,” it reflects the same attitude of focusing actions toward the husband in a manner that serves his best interest. By serving the husband through providing him a godly example, the wife pleases God and properly exercises “phobos” toward her husband as well as toward Christ. Further, the wife’s spiritual maturity provides her husband an example of what it looks like to serve Christ as His “bride” (Ephesians 5:32).

For the wives, Peter gives an analogy between outward appearance and inward character:

Your adornment must not be merely external-braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God (vv 3-4).

Peter describes the way in which women dress themselves, accentuating their natural beauty by braiding their hair, or wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses. This is a description of a woman who is put together, fashionable, wearing shiny jewelry to highlight her beauty, or perhaps to attract attention-adornment that is merely external.

Peter is encouraging wives to dress up their internal person as well as their external. The inner, spiritual adornment is in the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. God primarily looks at inner beauty, the beauty of great character in the heart (1 Samuel 16:7). It is the heart where God will discern intents and upon which He will base His judgments (Hebrews 4:12).

A gentle and quiet spirit has an imperishable quality; it never deteriorates, rusts, or loses value, it is always precious in the sight of God. As we will see further in the remainder of this letter, inner character that exhibits godliness in spite of circumstances is in our best interest for two reasons: 1) It blesses us as well as those around us in this life and 2) it will be greatly rewarded by God in the age that is to come.

For wives, a good appearance gives them even greater relational leverage, but that is not what their husbands need most. The thing men need most is a good example from someone who respects them. This infers that men generally are attracted to honoring, high character, respectful women.

Peter’s point is that the focus of a woman’s beauty should be what matters most in the eyes of God rather than the eyes of other women or men. What God cares about most is the hidden person of the heart. Peter next gives an example of Abraham’s wife Sarah as being this type of godly woman:

For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands; just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear (vv 5-6).

The holy women of the past who hoped in God and followed this approach sought the best for their husbands (and therefore sought their own best) by speaking honoring words of respect. It was in this way-in what Peter just described, the spiritual adornment, the spiritual dressing up- that these women are an example.

The holy women are a great illustration of the hidden person of the heart, the inner spiritual life of a wife who has a gentle and quiet spirit, which God values as precious and imperishable. In this way in former times, all the way back to Sarah, it is how Sarah put her faith in God (who hoped in God) which pleased Him.

Although Sarah was outwardly beautiful, this passage only focuses on her inner beauty (Genesis 12:14). She adorned herself with inner beauty, and part of that inner beauty was that she was submissive to and obeyed her husband Abraham.

Sarah decided to submit to Abraham; it was her choice, just as all people are instructed to submit to employers and civic authorities (1 Peter 2:13-20). It takes great courage to seek the best for another-especially a stubborn male. Sarah did this because she feared God, she hoped in God, which means she put God’s approval above any rejection in the world.

Sarah is the given example of using honoring words; she obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. It is worth noting how this turned out well for her. It does not guarantee this result; we are called to obey God and accept whatever results come. But this passage says the tendency will be that this attitude of respect will tend to positively affect husbands.

Sarah’s husband Abraham was rich and powerful. The rich and powerful men of the ancient east typically had many wives and concubines. But not Abraham. He just had one-Sarah. Even when Sarah was barren, Abraham stuck with her only.

It was Sarah who had the idea to have a child by a concubine (Genesis 16:2). And Abraham loved the resulting offspring: Ishmael. He thought Ishmael was to be his promised heir (Genesis 17:18, 21:10-11). God promised that the heir would come from Abraham’s body. He didn’t promise it would come via Sarah until after Ishmael was born (Genesis 17:19).

But when Sarah asked to put away Hagar and Ishmael, Abraham complied. He honored Sarah’s wish, even though it meant his son departing his presence (Genesis 21:10-14). That shows immense influence Sarah had with Abraham.

The inference is that this great favor Sarah had with Abraham was at least in part because Sarah called Abraham lord, meaning she used words of honor and respect for him. We see in Genesis 18:12 an instance of Sarah referring to Abraham as “my lord” when she contemplated bearing a child in their old age. The same word translated “lord” is used by Rebekah in Genesis 24:18, in respectfully addressing Abraham’s servant who was seeking a wife for Isaac.

Sarah was a beautiful woman (Genesis 12:11). But the emphasis in this passage is Sarah’s respect for Abraham, particularly her respectful words. This indicates a pattern, that males are eager to get praise and responsiveness from women. Sometimes unwisely, to their own ruin (such as with Samson and Delilah). Critical words from females simply feel like rejection. This passage indicates that respectful words from women of godly character can reshape and turn men, so that they walk in obedience to God’s ways (they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives).

None of this is to say that wives are responsible for their husbands’ choices. Wives are only responsible for their own choices. The indication is that when wives affirm respect, they send “I will not reject” signals to their husband. They are using their relational power for good. Ironically, the indication is that when wives use respect and exhibit great inner character, the husband tends to follow their example.

There is an episode in Sarah and Abraham’s life showing Sarah’s courage, and how she honored Abraham. During their sojourn to Egypt. Abraham asked Sarah to tell the people there that she was his sister, which was true (she was a half-sister; the Lord had not yet forbidden close marriage-Leviticus 18:9). Abraham’s reasoning was, “You are beautiful, and the practice in Egypt is to murder the husband first and ask questions later.” She did as he asked. She honored Abraham in this way, she trusted him.

It was likely reasonable for her to trust that her husband would provide for her, and that he would rescue her. We can see a few chapters later what Abraham accomplished in rescuing Lot. Abraham’s nephew Lot was taken hostage, so Abraham gathered 318 men that he had trained, marched all night, caught up with four kings who had just defeated five kings local to Abraham.

Abraham defeated the four kings in a night raid and recovered all the loot as well as his nephew. Abraham was not someone to be trifled with. So, it seems that during their time in Egypt, Abraham is telling Sarah, “I can’t rescue you if I am ambushed and murdered, so please buy me time to come get you.” She had to trust he would come get her, like he later did with his nephew Lot.

The custom was to negotiate a dowry with the brother, so as Sarah’s brother, Abraham would have the ability to gain intelligence and find a way to extract Sarah prior to her being added to Pharaoh’s harem. It worked out just as Abraham thought; Pharaoh took Sarah to join his harem. But in this case, God intervened and Sarah was returned to Abraham.

Peter ascribes this courage to modern wives if they adorn their spirit with a quiet and gentle nature, and treat their husbands with honor. He explains that wives have become Sarah’s children if they do what is right without being frightened by any fear.

It is understandably scary to endure in showing respect to someone who might not deserve it. It is our human nature to reach for an illusion of control, and it can be frightening to embrace reality and let go of such illusions. We tend to pretend we can control God, perhaps with our actions or perhaps through our petitions. We tend to imagine we control others through our words or actions. But in reality, people make their own choices and God is in control of all that is.

To set aside illusions and simply trust God is to do what is right. To do what is right without being frightened by any fear allows doing what is right to be sustained. To endure and continue in doing what is right. Wives will bear Sarah’s likeness; they will be like her, like her daughters, carrying her legacy, if they have the courage to do what is right (without being frightened by any fear). In context here, to do what is right is to focus on inner character and have that spill out as a positive example wrapped in words that are encouraging and respectful rather than critical.

The inference is that when men see and (typically) follow this example, the family becomes a family of character based on serving leadership. This unleashes great power to bring positive influence to the world. Jesus is our best example of having lived the servant-leader life God calls us to. Peter pointed to Jesus earlier in his letter:

“and while being reviled, He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously.”
(1 Peter 2:23)

Jesus did what He did for the approval of His Father. He upset the entire status quo in His surroundings. He (ultimately) brought down two governments (Israel/Rome) through speaking the truth in love, and living a life dedicated to serving others, pleasing God.

Hebrews 12:1-2 tells us that Jesus “despised the shame” of human rejection, rejection that led to death on the cross. He did not allow the fear of rejection to control Him. He did not act out of fear of pain and loss. Rather, He rejected shame as a motivation. Jesus practiced the admonition of 1 Peter 3:14, not fearing intimidation by others.

He gave no value to being humiliated, as compared to the incredible honor He would be given by obeying the Father. Jesus gave so little value to the dishonor and ridicule that the world heaped upon Him that it was despised in His eyes. Peter entreats his audience to take this exact same attitude into marriage: Do good. Be a servant. Please God. Don’t be afraid, even if it means suffering loss or rejection.

It is more natural for humans to want to know how to get others to serve us. Jesus’s example shows us the opposite; Jesus came to serve rather than to be served (Matthew 20:28).

The verses immediately following this passage on marriage (1 Peter 3:1-7) make it inescapable that the primary point here is how to serve one another:

“To sum up, all of you be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit; not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing.”
(1 Peter 3:8-9)

If we want to “inherit a blessing,” each spouse ought to serve the other. Everyone benefits from this-the person being served and the one who serves. We inherit a blessing by being a blessing. This is stated overtly in another passage about husbands and wives:

“So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself.”
(Ephesians 5:28)

We see here that it is in our ultimate self-interest to love and serve our spouse. The next passage emphasizes how husbands are to serve their wives.